i didn't think that the artificial fireplace logs
would turn out to be
some kind of cruel metaphor
but here i am,
trying to ingest antifreeze to
deal with the shivers you i
send across
raw clinging collarbones , d
own
clanking vertebrae screaming at me to
let go or i'll melt into your
chest like the snowflake that lost its 6th
arm
and you
know that's not how it works and
i do too.
i turn around
and realize that
you
' re not beside
me, anymore
you kiss me like light pouring through the window
the skid of a car.
you windshield-wipe away the tears
turn on the radio with windy hands
throw me back, tumbling red
but i still see
the apple trees in the backyard,
shivering before november
no, you are not behind me,
anymore
i.
send him off at the airport
does he look back at me? i'm sure he does, i
must've not stared hard enough
he thinks i'll wait for him back home. i do.
he comes back, he didn't miss me.
ii.
i steel my heart,
but it keeps melting.
iii.
i have to go, i'm disappearing.
i ask him for help getting to the attic.
i forgot where it was.
i find my suitcase,
empty, but tattered
inside i place
shards of unwashed dishes
and the wrapping paper he sent along
with my birthday present,
back when we still believed in us
my fingers bleed out, so does the case
would i rather lose the baggage?
or keep quiet, drag it out, leave
another day
iv. i chose the lat
it's a murky november night.
the silence is a little romantic,
the lack of stars is somewhat whimsical
and you're just happy to be together.
it's so cold though-
you give her your scarf and smile as she
wraps it back around you even tighter.
i won't let you be cold, she sings.
-
it's a murky november night
but your lover's eyes are singing.
they hold forbidden adoration as she
wraps her arms around you,
wraps her hands around your n
-
othing.
-
they were such an odd couple,
to have fallen in love in a graveyard of all places.
they would visit it for their anniversary from time to time,
in contrast to those who were there for mourning.
and
you found my heart in a grave i dug for myself.
he was a beautiful broken boy
and he held a deep blue ocean in his eyes.
i thought i saw the sun
but it was only her reflection and
f l a s h b a c k
to when he buried me in his p(ur)ity,
,,all i ever wanted
till i lost my self and didn't know how to find her again)
love, love, love
, words can't do y(our) beauty justice
because you're more poetic than poetry,
you give me the way
i can finally believe
that every winter
will be a new winter,
will be our winter.
you found my heart in a grave,
but you found the sun in my eyes.
you pull your blanket over me,
and for the first time in so long,
m
hold me until i'm choking,
i'm already boneless but you can take me apart,
you can kiss me so that your name is branded into my skin.
-
because
she's an honest drunk and he's an honest swimmer.
he imagines her telling him that she doesn't want to feel raw anymore - he soothes her pain with his flame
-
(burn me out,
leave me in bliss,
leave my life and my name in these black black ashes)
0%
you fill me with fire,
and tuck me in(to the darkness)
-arms locked tight.
25 %
but though i am no longer cold,
every night feels like a coffin
50%
meet me halfway, you whisper
but i meet you past my capacity,
and more
so love,
where are you?
100%
i'm right here,
no need to worry.
it's almost morning and i am
cramped up from your grasp
just
50%
why am i doing this
over and over again,
why am i
25%
and though you let me go,
i wish i don't feel like
5%
you use me,
i wish i don't feel like
i'm just a battery for you to drain
0%
you fill me with fire,
and tuck me in(to the darkness)
-arms locked tight.
1986:
i wear a gas mask on my face,
but remnants of her poison
seep through the earth
beneath your every footstep
love, it was only an accident, you say.
but darling, her name was cher(nobyl)