i didn't think that the artificial fireplace logs
would turn out to be
some kind of cruel metaphor
but here i am,
trying to ingest antifreeze to
deal with the shivers you i
send across
raw clinging collarbones , d
own
clanking vertebrae screaming at me to
let go or i'll melt into your
chest like the snowflake that lost its 6th
arm
and you
know that's not how it works and
i do too.
i turn around
and realize that
you
' re not beside
me, anymore
you kiss me like light pouring through the window
the skid of a car.
you windshield-wipe away the tears
turn on the radio with windy hands
throw me back, tumbling red
but i still see
the apple trees in the backyard,
shivering before november
no, you are not behind me,
anymore
i.
send him off at the airport
does he look back at me? i'm sure he does, i
must've not stared hard enough
he thinks i'll wait for him back home. i do.
he comes back, he didn't miss me.
ii.
i steel my heart,
but it keeps melting.
iii.
i have to go, i'm disappearing.
i ask him for help getting to the attic.
i forgot where it was.
i find my suitcase,
empty, but tattered
inside i place
shards of unwashed dishes
and the wrapping paper he sent along
with my birthday present,
back when we still believed in us
my fingers bleed out, so does the case
would i rather lose the baggage?
or keep quiet, drag it out, leave
another day
iv. i chose the lat
i was walking around the supermarket
but couldn't get through
because flies swarmed around the stand
buzzing about
how oranges imported from mexico
weren't as sweet as
blood oranges from spain
and there i saw him
more of a melting candle-
thick-skinned and moldy around the eyes
said to
grab her ripeness,
and twist it from the stem
just like with his daughter
of course
they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
so i hope it's not the same for
oranges because i know
she'll be my next queen,
(your majestree,
i was on this fruit stand all along
i know that i am the one who belongs)
it's a murky november night.
the silence is a little romantic,
the lack of stars is somewhat whimsical
and you're just happy to be together.
it's so cold though-
you give her your scarf and smile as she
wraps it back around you even tighter.
i won't let you be cold, she sings.
-
it's a murky november night
but your lover's eyes are singing.
they hold forbidden adoration as she
wraps her arms around you,
wraps her hands around your n
-
othing.
-
they were such an odd couple,
to have fallen in love in a graveyard of all places.
they would visit it for their anniversary from time to time,
in contrast to those who were there for mourning.
and
you found my heart in a grave i dug for myself.
he was a beautiful broken boy
and he held a deep blue ocean in his eyes.
i thought i saw the sun
but it was only her reflection and
f l a s h b a c k
to when he buried me in his p(ur)ity,
,,all i ever wanted
till i lost my self and didn't know how to find her again)
love, love, love
, words can't do y(our) beauty justice
because you're more poetic than poetry,
you give me the way
i can finally believe
that every winter
will be a new winter,
will be our winter.
you found my heart in a grave,
but you found the sun in my eyes.
you pull your blanket over me,
and for the first time in so long,
m
hold me until i'm choking,
i'm already boneless but you can take me apart,
you can kiss me so that your name is branded into my skin.
-
because
she's an honest drunk and he's an honest swimmer.
he imagines her telling him that she doesn't want to feel raw anymore - he soothes her pain with his flame
-
(burn me out,
leave me in bliss,
leave my life and my name in these black black ashes)
0%
you fill me with fire,
and tuck me in(to the darkness)
-arms locked tight.
25 %
but though i am no longer cold,
every night feels like a coffin
50%
meet me halfway, you whisper
but i meet you past my capacity,
and more
so love,
where are you?
100%
i'm right here,
no need to worry.
it's almost morning and i am
cramped up from your grasp
just
50%
why am i doing this
over and over again,
why am i
25%
and though you let me go,
i wish i don't feel like
5%
you use me,
i wish i don't feel like
i'm just a battery for you to drain
0%
you fill me with fire,
and tuck me in(to the darkness)
-arms locked tight.
i didn't think that the artificial fireplace logs
would turn out to be
some kind of cruel metaphor
but here i am,
trying to ingest antifreeze to
deal with the shivers you i
send across
raw clinging collarbones , d
own
clanking vertebrae screaming at me to
let go or i'll melt into your
chest like the snowflake that lost its 6th
arm
and you
know that's not how it works and
i do too.
i turn around
and realize that
you
' re not beside
me, anymore
you kiss me like light pouring through the window
the skid of a car.
you windshield-wipe away the tears
turn on the radio with windy hands
throw me back, tumbling red
but i still see
the apple trees in the backyard,
shivering before november
no, you are not behind me,
anymore
i.
send him off at the airport
does he look back at me? i'm sure he does, i
must've not stared hard enough
he thinks i'll wait for him back home. i do.
he comes back, he didn't miss me.
ii.
i steel my heart,
but it keeps melting.
iii.
i have to go, i'm disappearing.
i ask him for help getting to the attic.
i forgot where it was.
i find my suitcase,
empty, but tattered
inside i place
shards of unwashed dishes
and the wrapping paper he sent along
with my birthday present,
back when we still believed in us
my fingers bleed out, so does the case
would i rather lose the baggage?
or keep quiet, drag it out, leave
another day
iv. i chose the lat
it's a murky november night.
the silence is a little romantic,
the lack of stars is somewhat whimsical
and you're just happy to be together.
it's so cold though-
you give her your scarf and smile as she
wraps it back around you even tighter.
i won't let you be cold, she sings.
-
it's a murky november night
but your lover's eyes are singing.
they hold forbidden adoration as she
wraps her arms around you,
wraps her hands around your n
-
othing.
-
they were such an odd couple,
to have fallen in love in a graveyard of all places.
they would visit it for their anniversary from time to time,
in contrast to those who were there for mourning.
and
you found my heart in a grave i dug for myself.
he was a beautiful broken boy
and he held a deep blue ocean in his eyes.
i thought i saw the sun
but it was only her reflection and
f l a s h b a c k
to when he buried me in his p(ur)ity,
,,all i ever wanted
till i lost my self and didn't know how to find her again)
love, love, love
, words can't do y(our) beauty justice
because you're more poetic than poetry,
you give me the way
i can finally believe
that every winter
will be a new winter,
will be our winter.
you found my heart in a grave,
but you found the sun in my eyes.
you pull your blanket over me,
and for the first time in so long,
m
hold me until i'm choking,
i'm already boneless but you can take me apart,
you can kiss me so that your name is branded into my skin.
-
because
she's an honest drunk and he's an honest swimmer.
he imagines her telling him that she doesn't want to feel raw anymore - he soothes her pain with his flame
-
(burn me out,
leave me in bliss,
leave my life and my name in these black black ashes)
0%
you fill me with fire,
and tuck me in(to the darkness)
-arms locked tight.
25 %
but though i am no longer cold,
every night feels like a coffin
50%
meet me halfway, you whisper
but i meet you past my capacity,
and more
so love,
where are you?
100%
i'm right here,
no need to worry.
it's almost morning and i am
cramped up from your grasp
just
50%
why am i doing this
over and over again,
why am i
25%
and though you let me go,
i wish i don't feel like
5%
you use me,
i wish i don't feel like
i'm just a battery for you to drain
0%
you fill me with fire,
and tuck me in(to the darkness)
-arms locked tight.
1986:
i wear a gas mask on my face,
but remnants of her poison
seep through the earth
beneath your every footstep
love, it was only an accident, you say.
but darling, her name was cher(nobyl)
you found my heart in a grave i dug for myself.
he was a beautiful broken boy
and he held a deep blue ocean in his eyes.
i thought i saw the sun
but it was only her reflection and
f l a s h b a c k
to when he buried me in his p(ur)ity,
,,all i ever wanted
till i lost my self and didn't know how to find her again)
love, love, love
, words can't do y(our) beauty justice
because you're more poetic than poetry,
you give me the way
i can finally believe
that every winter
will be a new winter,
will be our winter.
you found my heart in a grave,
but you found the sun in my eyes.
you pull your blanket over me,
and for the first time in so long,
m
they don't complete you.
when will you realize that you're not a cargo ship?
this
hol low something,
waiting to be used
just to be emptied all over
again.
-
and yes. yes, i care.
but these fingers don't type for you,
they write for me.
and this heart doesn't beat for you,
because it lives for me.
is it really so selfish to want to be my own?
is it really so vain to stare in the mirror
and not hate myself for being the only person i can be?
because if it is,
then let me be selfish. let me be vain.
i'd rather be that than be yours.
because i'm mine.
you're a sky full of stars. by RoseScarlet, literature
Literature
you're a sky full of stars.
we are a sweltering summer nocturne,
the tinkling staccato
of fused fingers dancing to harmonies
of decaying piano key heartbeats.
our champagne stained lips
are sealed envelopes, folded over
a siren's truth that can only be sung behind closed doors.
you tuck me in, with a tender glaze of
your matchstick mouth across my cheek
and an unkept promise
made under this flammable threadbare blanket of sky
unravelling at its bursting star/ry seams.
we are suffocating saturns in the dead of night,
left entangled in icy threads
that are the only souvenirs left of a fiery love
swallowed by entwined ash-black (w)hole bodies.
i am not a brave moon girl
who dares to show her all to you in the dead of
night, to lure your crashing heartbeat towards her
with the gravitational pull of her glimmering
beauty.
your winds whisper a gentle invitation,
and although i am tempted to run into your
sweeping tsunami embrace,
i step out cautiously onto your shore,
dipping my toes into the darkness to find you.
just when you think you've finally reached me
i flee from your current.
you wait to sweep me off my bare feet,
knowing that you're a tide i can only drown in.
i am not a brave moon girl,
so what can I do but push you away?
the drums in my music are drowning out the vocals.
the dial is turned to full blast because i need to drown you out
but though i am deafened
i still feel the same familiar ringing pain
because i know you're screaming inside of me to get out,
you're tearing through my head to tell it to
yank my heart away from me.
the gashes you left me
that i thought that had finally closed for good
are wide open once again,
raw wounds leaving behind pools of crimson to stain
your bleached white bones that i know
are only figments of my imagination, (just like us)
but bones that i somehow i still can't avoid.
and here i am again,
ripping out pieces of mysel
i trusted you with my porcelain collarbones
and you laid the shards you shattered
across the freezing floor,
in an attempt to put me back together.
but you know, you know,
that masking the once-beautiful parts of me
with rushed and careless taping
won't make me any less broken.
you helpless little broken-winged bird,
you scribble so furiously with your unbroken claws about your "freedom",
with profanity and cursing and meaningless insults every other syllable.
don't you know that you've encaged yourself in hate?
dear boy
whose petal-soft lips taste of
honey and sweet innocence,
please don't come at me with
your forget-me-nots if they'll
only wither in my deceptive
thorned-stem arms, just pull
down the curtains and we can
go through the fall blind,
(because my bleeding heart
will only drown in the hollow
depths of your needy saltwater
eyes.)
in my graveyard home,
strands of skyscraper steles
embellish the colorless wrist
of a fenced-in skyline,
i inhale smoke and blood
drifting
from the pewter cauldron sky
into my stiff corpse lungs.
buried underneath a barren earth,
i open my blinded eyes
and feed gaea my brains
in exchange for crumpled dollar bills
made from the processed flesh of my cousins.
whispered goodbyes and sepia summer dreams-
their neverlasting brilliance is
more beautiful than
a million everlasting stars,
(because he loves in f ra gme nts,
and she hopes in sha
rds)